Always feel like you are yelling at you kids?! Always breaking up sibling fights?! Always feel like you are dealing with World War 3 in your family?! If like me, you are a parent who sometimes feels like they would like a more harmonious relationship with their children (!), then you could try listening to these amazing podcasts by Michelle Kenney, from Peace and Parenting. I have only listened to around 4 of them so far, but they have been completely amazing and are already dramatically transforming our family life.
I will provide more of a summary of what I learn over on here when I have listened to a few more, but in a nutshell, she does not believe in discipline, threats, rewards or bribery, instead she says it's all about having 'connection' (a good relationship with your child), and that should be at the core of every interaction you have with them. She believes that children do not learn morality or how to behave well through punishments, instead they learn it from watching us and how we behave and interact with other people. ie Model the behaviour you want to instill in your children. She believes that by having a good connection with your child, you will need to yell less, siblings will fight less and they will be happier, more resilient children as a result. By always threatening and bribing, you will push your child away from you and damage your connection with them, then they will feel isolated and insecure and they will play up more and the bad behavoiur will get worse. They will then repeat that behaviour with family and friends, and then when they are parents. So on a few occasions recently, where I might have shouted at one of my kids and confiscated their phone and then world war 3 will have ensued, I have remained really calm and quiet, and then when they have calmed down, we have discussed the situation and what was not right about their behaviour in a calm manner. I did not punish them or make any threats, which I might have done in the past! It has really worked at diffusing the situation! They have not felt like an injustice has been done and played up further, they have listened to what I have said and we have moved on and the house has been a calmer place. Also, if you are constantly shouting at your kids and take away something they love or have been looking forward to, can you realistically expect them to respect you and help you say unload the dishwasher when they hate you?! You will ask them to help and then they will say no (or worse!) and then this will escalate again...
Its not a perfect solution to having perfectly behaved kids, but that's not a realistic goal anyway! But it has really helped me and our family life so far... I will keep you informed on what I learn! The podcasts are avilable on various platforms including apple, amazon and spotify. I listen to them on Amazon music here, they are free. You can also follow Michelle on Instagram: @peaceandparenting. Hope her advice will help you and your family as much as they have helped me and mine. Lucy x ps incase link above doesn't work, cut and paste from here: